Archive for April, 2009

Wash your mouth out with SOAP if you have to!

This is a quickie tip for both guys and girls…

I’d met a guy several weeks ago who was totally cool. We got along just fab and I even sensed a little chemistry, ooooh! We had a fantastic date; conversation was flowing, he paid for the meal without hesitation, and he even walked me home.

Low and behold, I was correctomundo on the chemistry because he attempted a kiss at the end of the night.

To my total displeasure, his attempt was a freaking disaster!

Why? You might ask…

His breath smelled like a TOILET! A toilet full of cigarettes and a bunch of other nasty sh**.

Normally, my sense of smell is right on. But for some reason, I couldn’t detect the repugnancy of his breath while I was talking to him.

Seriously, it was such a shame.

I just had to turn my head. And that was the end of the night, and unfortunately, the last time I wanted to see him.

Such sadness I feel when I think that a cool guy completely ruined his chances and his reputation with foul hygiene.

This is an easy and free tip for everyone! Wash your freaking mouth out because you never know where or when you might have to use it.

Karma’s a BEEYOCH

So there was this guy that I dated years ago when I was in school.

He was an a-hole, straight up. He would ask me to drive him around, help him with his homework, basically be his mom. Well one day he asked me to purchase a pair of jeans for him, and he swore up and down he would pay me back.

Ladies, HELLOOOO!!!! If a guy EVER asks you for money, you better run like the plague.

Well, I didn’t do that. My naive and silly self actually believed that he would pay me back. Weeks later, after I realized I wasn’t gonna get the money, I should have said “good riddance” and never spoke to him again.

But I wanted to seek revenge.

So what did I do?….

I went into the chemistry lab and grabbed one of the bottles of acid with intentions of pouring it on his car.

But the universe was striking me down…

I couldn’t find his car! On top of that, I drove around in my car to try to find his car, and I stupidly set the bottle on the passenger side floor of my car. What do you think happened???? The worst….The bottle of acid toppled over and burned through the carpet of the floor in my car!

Man, karma’s really a b-word! My bad intentions turned right back on me.

Guys and girls…I took this one for the team. If you even think of seeking revenge, think twice!

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